12 Year Anniversary of My Mother’s Death

It was just a moment — shared between us. My mother is in a fragile state right now, Alzheimer’s has stripped her to essence — she is frightened, easily confused, often lost, but above all — she has returned to an innocence that is heartbreaking in its purity. As a child I was often frightened of my mothers tongue — sharp and biting and it seemed as if I was the only one who suffered these verbal lashings. To be fair — I’m sure I brought my mother a great deal of concern and this was the only way she knew how to express it. I think we have largely forgiven each other for our growing pains as parent and child. I pray that she recognizes this forgiveness in the deepest part of her that maintains its eternal awareness.

There are many moments where my mother offers me the opportunity to display and act with a tenderness that surprises me and leaves me grateful for the moment shared between us. Small, simple acts that seem to carry the grace of heaven itself. I step from these moments with tears in my eyes — heartbroken and yet filled with an ache of what was lost and what is now, and the blending of the two in the space of our shared brokenness. Alzheimer’s is a terrible thing — and yet for just a moment — I sometimes catch a glimpse of a hidden grace too. All things give something in return — even while taking so much as well.
I am grateful for what I have been given.

Peace,
Eric