Magical

Magical:

it’s a point of ego to believe that I have control and a certain power over the aspects of my life that bring me please and the avoidance of many of life’s sorrows. Seeing my life more clearly now and I know that it was this very belief that kept me trapped within a seemingly endless cycle of working hard towards building an ego that finally knew success and the failure and defeat of never measuring up to a made believe standard. It was the illusion of control asserted by the appearance of a false sense of self, ego, magical thinking really, and it always doomed to fail.

so I say ego, and by this I mean a total belief in an identity that was somehow separate from the very environment that was my true and only home. Ego is simply a label for this false sense of identity, neither good nor bad, but never truly in control of any situation. Ego, in this description at least, is an appearance of a self brought by endless thoughts of who I believed myself to be. It’s the voice of parents, teachers, media, and even strangers who offered an opinion in their passing. They all gained a position in my held, wielded influence and control.

and all the while I believed the voice was me.

it was magical thinking.

and yet,

there always remained a deeper voice of silence, intuitive, a magic found beyond the…