New Reality

New Reality:

it’s a new reality. Right now. Instant. For me, it’s an unwelcome dawn of conditions that have left me bewildered and feeling unprepared to meet these events. But of course there’s no choice to this matter and little to do but meet each moment as its given. So I do. Sometimes I manage a bit of grace and find myself at ease in difficult situation. Often I’m near panic even as I appear calm and ease concerns for others. A lifetime of meditation practice and what might be called spiritual pursuit hasn’t prepared me for the role of caregiver for my elderly father. Especially right now as he suffers with acute heart failure.

a week ago he was much stronger. This last stay in the hospital, a a first in several years, seems to have taken a toll, weakened him to the point of a difficult recovery. There is much he can no longer do and more care for me to offer. That’s the new reality, almost full time I need to be available to him, an adjustment for us both as he loses strength and mobility and I provide what’s needed. He’s on oxygen for an undetermined length. Maybe always. It’s scary for us both.

yes, meditation does help me, so does yoga and mindful breathing. Techniques are helpful to find a small sense of peace. But those are for me. My father faces this all with only the courage of a struggled breath and a weakened heart. Just a moment at a time. He’s bounced…