Of Being Aware

Of being aware, curious, and grateful:

at this point it’s curiosity, a grateful time of being aware and knowing that it’s so — of course this was always true and I just didn’t realize it. There once was a struggle to be something more, to find myself in a higher field of pure awareness. This wasn’t really about enlightenment, although I thought at times it was. What I deeply wanted to was to escape, to leave a bitter world behind even for a bit, perhaps just a sense of ease to lead me through a day. I wanted to transcend. And I bought every promise to take me there, books, teachers, and sacred vows. Nothing delivered.

Here’s the real promise — nothing is supposed to deliver, and I’m thankful this is so. There is no transcending life, and what a shame it would be to miss the fullness that it brings. Yes, at times I suffer, deeply so, and just as often I delight in the simple things I find at hand. Even this moment, warmed by a single beam of early sun, quiet, words coming to me on this theme, spontaneous, and everything I need to write these thoughts down. It’s complete. There’s nothing missing from this — and the gift is to be aware of this completion, knowing that even in my gratitude it’s all changing, shifting in another way that may not be as joyful as this one simple, single moment of expression. Yet whatever arrives, however it all shifts and changes — that moment too will be complete…