Reoccurring Dream

Reoccurring dream;

there’s a reoccurring dream I have, fairly often, and more of a nightmare really, made all the more frightening as it’s an actual replay of an event during my early 20’s, a stupid episode from my days of heavy drinking. I won’t go into detail here, it still bothers me that I would endanger the lives of others by my actions back then, getting behind the wheel and driving in my stupidly blind condition. At that point I didn’t even consider my drinking a problem, not yet anyway, as that would take a few more years of risky situations to myself and others, as well damaging so many of my relationships.

but that would come, eventually, entirely by grace.

by all odds, and my reoccurring dreams confirms this every time it plays through my mind — I shouldn’t have survived that night, worse still, I see each point where I could have harmed another, taken a life by sheer selfishness and stupidity. No reason, people would have died for the sake of me going to a party, or in other situations going to a bar. This particular has been burned into my memory, becoming one of the few reoccurring dreams I have, my only real nightmare.

yet, I survived, having made it home with a wrecked car, and no other consequences paid. Back to drinking the very next night, and for years after. The question I ask myself is why did I survive, how did I…